really need to wash my hair.
My blogs should really be about something less superficial, at least occasionally, but i'll get on to that.. further down :)
My mother has left my straighteners at Yvonne's, because she's a fool and she was too concerned with the five mile run that she's doing on Sunday that she hasn't prepared for at all :D
She's on her treadmill right now and it's directly above me so if the ceiling gives way (which it probably will ;D) i'll die. That would be unfortunate.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
First of all it was anxiety that Caz would hate me because i made Damien hate us so i text her this really weird text.. It wasn't really sentimental or anything, it was just like 'remember this LOLOLOL' or whatever, but she didn't text back straight away so i was like 'Gosh she really doesn't like me any more well that's fine anyway because everyone thinks she's absolutely raw and lalalaa', but then she text back and i was like Oh I shouldn't have thought those horrible things and then i felt really horrible because i am really horrible and..
And then i realized that it was her birthday so i decided once and for all that i was an idiot and i should probably just die right there.
But i didn't die, i just stayed awake for a million years longer (as in i had no sleep. At all. The whole night.) and wished that i could be less of an idiot and wished that there was someone in my life who would tell me that i'm not an idiot, but Leah's in HongKong and when Leah's not around i turn into a complete recluse and only leave the house when it's absolutely necessary (hence recluse.), even though today was a really nice day and i would have loved to go out.
But i didn't :)
It's weird because I am actually really happy at the moment, but i can't help having all these really dark freaky thoughts.
I guess it's just angst, it always is, but whatever.

My mother was talking to me this morning about people in my year having sex, it was so stupid.
She was like YOU KNOW IT'S AGAINST THE LAW?
I don't even see why she gets so wound up about everything. As if i'd ever have sex.
And then she went through like every one of my friends that she can remember the name of and asked me if they'd had sex. She's such an idiot, why does she think it's any of her business anyway?
My mum talks about sex way too much. not in a horrid perverse way, just she talks so openly about everything, it annoys me so much.
My brothers talk at great length about everything too :'D
But that just amuses me. I think Ben + Nick are actually obsessed with gay people. Seriously, the second my mother left the house this morning they googled 'Zac Efron gay' and just read out the comments left by everyone on some article in this really gay voice.
I think all of my brothers are probably gay. That would be so funny :'D Because I remember when Greg was superyoung and he always used to ask my mum to paint his nails pink. And when my dad found out he was like 'Stop doing that! He's going to turn into a homosexual!'
I love my daddy i do :)
But after that Greg cried profusely so my mum was like we'll paint your fingernails blue then, because that's a boy color, and we'll do your toenails pink because then noone else can see them but we'll know.
Sometimes I'm just so glad that my mum's so weird, because she's completely closeminded towards anything that she's.. not openminded to. That doesn't really make sense, but what i mean is that she is openminded to an extent but when you cross that line she's just disgusted with anything.

I remember when i told her that me and Cat had kissed, and she was like 'Really? Did you enjoy it?'
See she's just such an idiot! Then she said i was a weirdo, and then asked Leah if i was a lesbian and said 'Maybe she just wants to experiment with minge'
That woman is a fool.
But I tried on her wedding dress today! Lookie!

It's really weird but actually really nice. Not that i'm getting married any time in the near future.
Or the distant future either, probably. I'm not complaining, i just think it's a shame for that dress to go to waste :)

I'M SO GLAD THAT THE VIEW FROM OUR WINDOWS IS A GRAVEYARD :D
Actually, a cemetery.
I should really go to bed because i haven't slept for like a kazillion hours.
And i drank a quart of white spirit this morning.
Kiddingggggg. It wasn't a whole quart.
Joke!
I should try to talk a little less :)
Over and out.

Eatin' cheese on toast,
Yeah, you make me merry,
Make me very very happy.
But you obviously,
Didn't wanna stick around.
So I learned from you.

I remember in year seven when Jenn first told everyone that she was 'bi' and then Jazz came in and lectured us and said that she was bi, and we were all totally shocked because she seemed like a normal person.
And then Jenn used to tell me all the people who she liked, and then the list would get shorter and shorter and for the longest time she'd tell me it was me and Peggs.
And it was so weird, because she had this honesty and vulnerability and insecurity about her then, and it just made me like her loads.
Sooo, I liked her then, and although I was mega uncertain and i tried to convince myself that it was just Jenn and besides that I was straight, and sometimes I'd tell myself that Jenn didn't matter anyway because she's such a man anyway, i pretty much can say that i knew i was gay when i was in year seven. Soooo, when I was like, 12.
Sly timez on me!
Or good times, alternatively, because now i can live and learn and grow.
Greeat.

Anywho, here's some photos from iceskating!


Abby, Leah, me + Tasha. I look dumb but my hair looks a kinda nice-ish color.


Me und meine Brüder. My hair does look nice heeere!
If I do say so myself.

Sums up my life.

And here's a picture of me, looking pregnant, on my laptop. Greg was taking this picture to prove a point but i don't remember what the point was.
OVER + OUT.